DOES YOUR BOYFRIEND WANT YOU TO GET AN ABORTION?
Can you relate? Did your first conversation about your unexpected pregnancy go poorly? Maybe he just didn’t react well in the moment. Is he really opposed to you keeping the baby, or is he just ambivalent? Does he feel a baby would mean the loss of freedom? Does he want to have children someday?
Unwanted pregnancy brings up so many questions. You want to make the right decision, but your boyfriends is saying he hopes you make the “right choice” and you know he means abortion. There are so many important things to think about.
Keep the lines of communication open. Why does he want you to have an abortion? Sometimes a guy may say he wants an abortion because he thinks that’s what you want to hear. Have you told him about your feelings?
HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
Are you afraid you can’t keep the baby without both practical support, and emotional support from your boyfriend? It's healthy and normal to both want and need support from others. You can build a support system of supportive friends and family with or without your boyfriend. Let's start by asking if your relationship with your boyfriend is healthy enough to be supportive.
IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP HEALTHY?
Whether or not you stay together depends on the quality of your relationship, not the presence or absence of a child. Is your boyfriend willing to listen to your feelings, and respectful of your wishes? Or are you afraid to talk to him because he has angry outbursts? Fearing your partner is not a healthy sign. See if your situation sounds like this woman with an unhealthy relationship. She described her own experience on a forum in response to a story of unplanned pregnancy much like Brittany’s:
Hi dear,
I'm sorry you’re in a tough spot. It closely reflects what I've been through! My unplanned pregnancy brought out the truth in my relationship. I realized my 28-year-old baby daddy would not be there to support me emotionally through an abortion. He saw it as his way out from parenting. Deciding was so difficult! For two months, I booked and canceled appointments. After having endless conversations with friends and family, posting here, arguing and crying daily with BD, I had to go with my heart. My heart is to keep the baby.
Now I'm single and 5 months pregnant. I'm so much happier to be alone compared to the stress, shame, and sadness he has caused me. BD left me a few months ago. It's a relief not having to try to make him stay. If I could have gone back in time when I first found out, I would have told myself to keep the baby and let him go immediately, based on how he was acting.
My little one and I will not be a perfect family, but I know that my child will be so loved and have every opportunity in their life. Yes, being pregnant and single sometimes feels lonely — but honestly, it's just pregnancy. It isn't as difficult as you think it will be.
One last thing: men and women are equally responsible for their own contraception. The fathers of our children could have insisted on condoms if they felt they were not ready to risk making a baby. There is nothing to feel guilty about. Listen to your heart and if you need support, please DM me (1)!
SUPPORT FOR YOUR PREGNANCY
Speaking of support, did you know your local Pregnancy resource center can talk you through your pregnancy options? Know your legal rights - no one can force you to abort. In order to make the best decision, you need to know your available options. Client advocates at Center of Hope can give you factual information about surgical abortion, medical abortion, parenting, and adoption.
If you’re still not sure how healthy your relationship is, it’s a good idea to talk to a client advocate about your boyfriend’s behavior. They can help you identify signs of domestic violence from controlling behavior to physical abuse. I know it’s hard to consider the possibility that the man you love might be abusive. The fact that he wants you to get an abortion when you don’t want one is concerning, and controlling.